Why is it that when my eyes close, my mouth flies open and strange sounds are produced? I personally believe it is a conspiracy to sell neck slings and various other products to stop snoring. Surely if I snored, I would hear the racket.
By the way, there are several ways you can tell this is not me. There are no golden retrievers sleeping by my side, my teeth cannot be put in a glass, and I do not own a red bra.